Can't be a Cullen without her
by me and Mr. Jones
Summary: This is Jasper's reaction to Alice's death. Obviously MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH! Please read before you judge. But after you read it judge away!


_Ok, I wrote a story where Jasper died and I wrote Alice's reaction. This is the other half of that…What would Jasper do if he lost Alice. It's pretty short, but I hope you enjoy. XD Please review! I can't make it better if you don't. Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Cullens (It's sad really, but there it is.) _

The blonde vampire stared at the fire, part in horror, part in anguish. The fire crackled, his wife's pieces slowly disintegrating. He tried to jump in the fire, he tried to die with her; but all he could do was stare. A noise escaped him that he couldn't define but he knew it had something to do with Alice. He didn't want to live without her. He wasn't sure he could. She had become a part of him, as much as his arm or as much as the hunger that burned his throat. She became the part of him that kept the burning under control. He didn't know what he was about to do, but he knew he had to do something, something to get her back. Even if it meant just hearing her voice in his head, or seeing her smiling face. His mind was so blank, he couldn't find a mental picture of her and it hurt him all the more. Then he smelt it, and he knew what he had to do. The hiker wouldn't feel the pain, he wouldn't spill blood, it would be simple and it may get her image back into his head.

The hiker's neck snapped easily and he had done it so quickly he hadn't felt a thing, not even his own guilt. He listened closely and shut his eyes, but still there was nothing. It was as though he couldn't even remember what she looked like or sounded and she'd only been dead a couple of hours. If he could have cried, he knew he would have, she still wasn't there and he knew he would go crazy if he didn't see her soon.

"Come on Alice, you know you want to comfort me." He murmured and he began running as fast as he could to Seattle, he would stay away from Forks, he knew killing someone in Forks meant the others had to leave and he couldn't do that to them.

Five dead people later, Jasper was starting to feel it, the pain, the guilt, the depression, but this time there was no one to counteract it, no dancing girl to hold him and tell him she loved him anyway. He broke the homeless man's neck, carefully supervising his strength so as not to completely rip the head off and spill blood. "Please, Alice, please come back. I need you to come stop me." He whimpered, breaking a drug dealer's neck. "Come stop me, I'm begging you Alice come and stop me." He continued his rampage, half wondering if the Volturi would show up any time soon, though he wasn't drinking blood and no one could see him. He snapped a business woman on her lunch break, neck. Still no sign of Alice, real or imaginary. He snapped 4 more necks before the grief, pain, and guilt completely overcame him. Jasper sank to the cold, wet ground of a Seattle alley, it was over and she was gone, forever.

"Alice?" a familiar voice called, but Jasper couldn't find it in himself to care whose voice it was. "Alice!" the tone was slightly more desperate now. Jasper knew he should be heading back to Forks and explained what he did and what he was going to do, instead he buried his head in his knees and waited.

"Jasper!" that voice he recognized, it belonged to the man that cared about them, the second to do so, after each other. But still Jasper didn't move or answer, he knew they would find him soon enough, the pain and guilt that was rolling off of him would be like a fog horn. Sure enough a few seconds later he heard them running and then stopping short beside him. He knew there were three of them, Carlisle was there, but he didn't know, or care who the other two were. Probably Emmett and Edward, the sound of them running had been loud to be Esme, Rosalie or Bella. _Just let me be, Edward. _He thought, knowing that if his youngest brother was there that he would hear him. The three vampires behind him didn't move, one of them was growling sadly and the other two were just staring at Jasper unable to do anything. None of them knew how much time passed, but they just stood there, mourning the loss of their happy dancer and her soldier. Finally one of them spoke,

"Jasper," it was Edward, and the tone was one of sadness, pity and fear. Jasper assumed he was releasing sadness for his favorite sister's death as well, but so powerful were his own emotions that he couldn't pinpoint the others.

"I said 'leave me alone!'" He hadn't meant to snarl it, but it got the point across as Edward took a step back.

"Jasper, please." Jasper paused as Carlisle pleaded,

"Please what?" He snapped, looking up at them for the first time. He must have looked as horrible as he feet because they all took another step back. "Come home? To what?" This had clearly hit Carlisle way below the belt as he didn't even try to hide the hurt of the harsh words. Jasper panted in anger, anger that he was alone, anger that he had let this happen, anger that they expected him to just go back to the way things were.

"To your f-family." Carlisle said softly as though speaking to a scared puppy. "I know she was the reason you stayed at first, but I thought maybe… you see us as your family and would stay." Jasper remained silent, staring at the man who had loved him even when he slipped and murder, who loved him even when he almost attacked Bella. The man who looked passed the scars and red eyes and saw the man Jasper could become.

"No." he bit and all three of them flinched, "It was only ever because of her." It was a lie, he knew they knew it was a lie but he lied anyway. Whether it was to hurt them or to protect them from what he was about to do, he wasn't sure.

"I-" Carlisle made a sort of whimpering sound, it was something Jasper had never heard come out of any of them, but he knew exactly what it was, it was despair. Carlisle had lost two children in one day and Jasper knew it was breaking his heart.

"I can't." Jasper whispered, "I can't be a Cullen anymore. She was a Cullen; I don't want to be one without her." Then it hit him, he didn't have to be, he didn't have to be a Cullen, or Hale, or Whitlock. He didn't have to live without her. He turned to his father and brothers; they all had the same expression on their face, sorrow. He could ask them to do it, and they probably would. But he could never ask them to do something that would destroy them completely. "Thank you." He said solemnly. "Thank you for taking us in, for forgiving me time and time again. Thank you for making her happy. And thank you for loving her."

"Both of you." Carlisle interrupted, "We love both of you." Jasper shut his eyes in heartache but quickly reopening them.

"Goodbye Emmett," Jasper said to his favorite brother, "You were the one that showed me that vampires, other than Alice, can be trusted." He turned to Edward, they never saw eye to eye, but they always had the other's back. _Goodbye Edward, I hope that as complicated you and Bella's life was before, I hope that is how wonderful it continues to be. And tell her I'm sorry. "_Goodbye, Carlisle. I hope the rest of your life, however long that may be, is filled with happiness and peace." He paused, and then continued to speak to the man he called 'father' for sixty years. "I hope you remember what you taught me so long ago; there is still good in this world. I still believe that, I just have to go with mine. But please don't think that you failed." And with that Jasper was gone, where to, none of them knew, but they had to find out.

Jasper ran as fast as he could to La Push, he didn't know whether he should just ask them to do it, or if he should cause something to make them have to do it. He liked the pack, particularly Jacob and Seth, he wasn't sure he could ever ask them.

"Jasper!" A cry came and Jasper knew Carlisle had called home and alerted them that he may be doing something reckless.

"Hi, Jacob." He could not feign enthusiasm.

"Are you all right?" It was a stupid question and Jasper sighed,

"Do I look it?" he asked. Jacob shook his head.

"DO you have anything to ask me?" He asked, staring at Jasper's sad eyes.

"No, I've worked it out." Jasper replied, turning away from the accusing shape shifter. That was when he saw her; the petite Quileute, Claire. Embry laughed at her joke, his eyes twinkling with joy and love. He only vaguely remembered those feeling. But he knew them well enough to know that if he attacked, or pretended to attack Claire, Embry wouldn't have a choice but to kill him. It was this thought that brought a smile to Jasper's face.

"What?" Jacob asked, seeing the smile and not sure he liked it, there was something familiar about it. Jasper turned to the man, who had become his nephew,

"Nothing," he lied, "I was just thinking." Jasper turned away and toward the couple, evaluating the best route. Suddenly a hand grabbed his arm and though he knew it Jacob, his instincts took over and he snarled. Immediately he was released but Jacob didn't back away, instead he growled back. Jacob had realized where he had seen the smile; it was right before Bella was going to jump off the cliff. It was a look of acceptance and relief.

"Don't do this! Don't do this to Carlisle and Esme. Don't do this to your family. They have already lost their daughter…" Jasper stared at him, he really had no idea.

"If it was Nessie…" Jasper didn't need to finish the sentence, Jacob stepped back, his eyes wide. "I can't go on without her, Jake. You have to understand that." He sent Jacob some of his pain and Jacob whimpered, throwing up his hands.

"Ok, I get it. I get it." He had tears forming in his eyes. "But getting Embry to do it? Making him think that you are going to turn or kill Claire is," he paused, trying to find the right word, "Cruel." Jasper knew that it was, but the wolves were his only choice

"Yes, it is very cruel, but I can't just ask them to kill me. They would never agree to do it anyway, so I'm doing the next best thing." Jacob knew he wasn't going to win, but that wasn't going to stop him from trying,

"What if I tell Embry?"

"Then I will be forced to actually hurt Claire." Jasper knew he would never really hurt her, but Jacob wasn't sure so he stopped talking. Just then Embry ran nearly 100 yards in front of Claire, showing off for her, Jasper turned back to Jacob.

"Take care of them Jake," he smiled softly at him and then, he lunged.

It took him less than three seconds to get over to Claire. It took two more for Claire to realize what was about to happen. When her scream was released she was already on the ground, a bare teeth vampire on top of her. Embry transformed as Jasper's mouth neared Claire's neck.

"It's all right. I'm not going to bite you," Jasper whispered in the crying girl's ear. She opened her eyes just in time to see Jasper being knocked off of her. The wolf tore, bit, and shredded, just as Jasper had intended.

"Embry! Stop!" Claire screamed, the voice brought Embry out of his rage and back to his human form, and he rushed over to her, leaving the mangled vampire on the ground.

"Claire, are you-?" Embry stopped short upon seeing his unbitten, wide eyed girlfriend. His breathing quickened as he realized what had just happened.

"Jasper!" Carlisle's normally calm voice was now only panicked and heartbroken.

"I-I-he…" Embry tired to speak, but all he could do was stutter, unconsciously placing himself between Claire and the vampires.

"It's ok, Embry," Emmett soothed, "We know." Embry exhaled, looking down at Jasper whose eyes were blank, glassy and unfocused. An arm was missing and his chest appeared to have been put through a hay cutter.

"Oh God," Carlisle sobbed as he knelt next to his son. Emmett couldn't find it in himself to be angry. Jasper was his favorite brother, the one who let him win fights every other decade. The brother that he knew he could always talk to if he accidently killed a human. Emmett knew that if he could have cried, he would have been.

"Carlisle's dry sobbing was the only sound as he supported Jasper's head in his arms. He stared at the dead eyes and pulled Jasper's limp, torn body to his, breathing his son's scent in one last time.

"I lied." The voice was so quiet that had Carlisle's ear not been right next to his head he would not have heard it. He pulled away, looking down into the yellow eyes, they met his.

"Jasper," Carlisle breathed, hardly believing his son was still alive.

"I lied to you," Jasper repeated, "When I said I only stayed because of her. Y'all are my family as much as Alice was."

"I know." Carlisle whispered, his hand behind Jasper's head. They locked eyes for what seemed to be centuries until Jasper spoke again.

"I need you to decapitate me." Though his body could have healed it would have been a slow, painful process. Carlisle flinched and felt a hand perch on his shoulder.

"I'll do it," Emmett's sad voice offered. Carlisle shut his eyes, he couldn't kill Jasper, but he couldn't ask Emmett to.

"I- I could." Jacob, who had been there since the fight ended, threw his hat into the mix.

"You're not strong enough," Emmett claimed. "Come on Carlisle, you hold his body and I'll do it." Carlisle wanted to die for nodding, but the relief in Jasper's face told him, he was doing the right thing. He readjusted himself, placing one hand on Jasper's arm and the other on his waist. He looked down at the blonde, and suddenly he felt calm. Emmett positioned himself above Jasper's head, on his knees, taking the head with both hands.

"Thank you Emmett. And I am sorry." Emmett swallowed hard but nodded. Then Jasper looked up at Carlisle, a small smile appeared, and his lips parted to whisper,

"Death's not as scary as I thought it would be."

_I hope you don't hate me. It had to end this way. :-( please please review, good or bad._


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